Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Writings - Chez Goodman

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1990

• I will not do that thing with my tongue.
• I will not draw naked ladies in class.
• I will not waste chalk.
• I am not a 32 year old woman.
• Garlic gum is not funny.
• They are laughing at me, not with me.
• I will not skateboard in the halls.
• I will not instigate revolution.
• Tar is not a play thing.
• I did not see Elvis.
• I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
• I will not trade pants with others
• I will not yell 'fire' in a crowded classroom.
• I will not encourage others to fly.
• I will not Xerox my butt.
• I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.

1991

• I will not sleep through my education.
• I will not cut corners.
• I will finish what I sta___.
• The Christmas pageant does not stink.
• I will not sell school property.
• I will not get very far with this attitude.
• I will not do anything bad ever again.
• I will not make flatulent noises in class.
• I will not belch the national anthem.
• I will not sell land in Florida.
• I will not grease the monkey bars.
• I will not show off.
• I am not a dentist.
• Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
• High explosives and school don't mix.
• Underwear should be worn on the inside.
• I will not torment the emotionally frail.
• "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
• I will not squeak chalk.

1992

• Teacher is not a leper.
• Coffee is not for kids.
• A burp is not an answer.
• My name is not "Dr. Death".
• I will not conduct my own fire drills.
• I will not spin the turtle.
• I will not fake seizures.
• I will not aim for the head.
• I will not spank others.
• I will not barf unless I'm sick.
• I saw nothing unusual in the teachers lounge.
• Funny noises are not funny.
• I will not snap bras.
• This punishment is not boring and pointless.
• I will not defame New Orleans.
• I will not prescribe medication.
• I will not teach others to fly.
• I will not bring sheep to class.

1993

• I will not yell "She's dead" during roll call.
• I will not sell miracle cures.
• I will not eat things for money.
• The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
• Goldfish don't bounce.
• I will not call the principal "spud head".
• Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
• I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
• I do not have diplomatic immunity.
• The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
• All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
• I will never win an emmy.
• I will return the seeing-eye dog.

1994

• No one is interested in my underpants.
• Organ transplants are best left to the professionals.
• My home work was not stolen by a one-armed man.
• I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
• I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
• I will not re-transmit without the express permission of major league baseball.
• Beans are neither fruit nor musical.
• There are plenty of businesses like show business.
• I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
• I will not dissect things unless instructed.
• I will not whittle hall passes out of soap.
• I will not send lard through the mail.
• Ralph wont "Morph" if you squeeze him hard enough.

1995

• The boys room is not a water park.
• No one wants to hear from my armpits.
• I am not a lean mean spitting machine.
• I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
• Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
• This is not a clue ... or is it?
• I will not complain about the solution when I hear it.
• I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.
• Indian burns are not our cultural heritage.
• "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism.
• Nerve gas is not a toy.
• Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things.
• I will only do this once a year.
• The first amendment does not cover burping.
• Adding 'just kidding' doesn't make it okay to insult the principal.
• I will not hang donuts on my person.
• Next time it could be me on the scaffolding.
• I will not strut around like I own the place.
• I will remember to take my medication.
• I will not mock Mrs Dumbface.

1996

• I am not certified to remove asbestos.