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Age and Treachery Overcome Youth and Skill
Send lawyers, guns, and money!
What a long, strange trip it's been!
I see how their eyes are gathered into one
There is more to reality than meets the eye
This side up
"Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.
"Bother," said Pooh, and deleted his message base.
"Boy, Data, you look great in a push-up bra!" - Riker
"Boy, that Data is slicker than cow snot!" - Guinan
"Call it a hunch." -- Quasimodo
"Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows 3.1?" - Worf
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
"Data! I thought you were dead!" "No, Sir. I rebooted."
"DOS=HIGH" Hmm, I knew it was on something...
"Energize!" said Picard and the pink bunny appeared...
"Excuse me, do you mind if I squish in here?" - Odo
"Fire, Mr. Worf!"  [Worf picks up extinguisher]
"Hand me that solar-powered flashlight..."
"Hello, World!" 17 Errors, 31 Warnings....
"Hex Dump" - Where Witches put used Curses?
"Hey, Worf! I hooked Data up to a Modem... wanna see?"
"I think not," said Descartes, and promptly disappeared.
"I'm all ears, hooman!"  DaiMon Perot
"I'm not Bajoran.  Sisko punched me in the nose."  - Kira
"I'm the Doctor... gotta love me!" * Bashir
"Imagination is more important than knowledge" - Einstein
"Life," said Marvin. "Don't talk to me about life."
"MEOW"...SPLAT..."RUFF"...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs)
"Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye Captain. 300 dpi?"
"My God, it's full of stores!" - 2001: A Shopping Odyssey
"Really honey....just 1 more message."
"Swab the poop deck, raise the mizzenmast!" - Picard
"Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore..."
"Why stop now?  Just when I'm hating it." -Marvin
# of Vulcans needed to replace a bulb? Precisely 1.0000000
$$$ not found --  A)bort, R)efinance, D)eclare bankruptcy
(A)bort (F)ail (T)oss computer across room
(A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer
(A)bort (R)etry (S)ue
(A)bort (R)etry (T)ake an axe to it?
(A)bort (R)epent (I)gnorant?
(A)bort (R)etry (F)ail, (G)rab_Hammer
(A)bort (R)etry (G)et The Sledge Hammer
(A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore, (K)ick system?
(A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore, (O)verthrow System?
(A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore, (S)orry I Asked!
(A)bort (R)etry (K)ill innocent bystanders
(A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
(A)bort (R)etry (P)retend this never happened . . .
(A)bort (R)etry (S)ell it
(A)bort (R)etry (S)mack the @#$&*~ thing!
(A)bort (R)etry (S)mack the friggin thing
(D)inner not ready:  (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
(I)gnore (R)etry (A)bort (M)eltdown
...and sometimes the bear eats you.
...but there are no old, bold pilots.
...no thanks, I'm already having one.
...would you like me to sing you a song?
...ywercs lla og tsuj sgniht semitemoS
113 grams, 10 milliliters ... He's lead, Jim.
186,282.3959 mi/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW.
640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
7 Days without pizza makes one weak...
9 out of 10 men who tried Camels prefer women.
9.8 m/s: Not just a good idea; it's the LAW!
:) :D :O :( :[ ;) 8) B) :> |I :P =) :S :B :] :\
<----- The information went data way ----->
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A cult is a religion without political power.
A fool and his money are my two favorite people.
A Mogwai is simply a highly evolved Tribble.
A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!
A procrastinator's work is never done.
A Tale of Two Zities -Dickens's cookbook
A tribble a day keeps the Klingons well fed.
A truly lazy person is never bored.
ABORT: Drivel filter is compromised!
Actually it is an interplanetary greeting.
Advisor: The guy who told you how to screw up
After a long bath Worf sees the fleas as his true friends
Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows.
All government is theft, some just steal less.
All right, who's been cooking hot dogs in the Warp Drive?
All stressed out, and no one to choke.
All true wisdom is found in fortunes.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
Anal retentive people don't give a crap.
Anatomically Correct beats Politically Correct ANY DAY!
And Adam asked "What's a Headache?"
And God said: E = mv - Ze/r, and there was light.
And I thought *I* had problems!
And now a word from our sponsor...
And now... The Larch.
And you thought CHAOS meant rush-hour traffic!
Another day, another shaving accident.
Answers: $1.  Correct answers: $5.  Dumb looks: Free!
Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key.
Are Cheerios really donut seeds?
Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head.
Are you out of my mind?
ASCII stupid question, get stupid ANSI
Aural sex produces eargasms.
AUTOEXEC.BAT = Lee Iacocca as a vampire.
Awwww its just a Harmless little Bunny!
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell Computer
Bad command or file name. Go sit in corner.
Bad command or filename.  Or maybe you screwed up.
Barnum was wrong....it's more like every 30 seconds!
Basic Airline Flying: Keep the pointy end forward
Be wewy wewy quiet...I'm hunting Womulins!!
Beam me up Scotty. This isn't the men's room.
Beam me up, there's no intelligent life here!
Behaviorist psychology -- pulling habits out of rats.
Best file compression around!  "DEL *.*" - 100% comp.
Bill Gates made $6.3 Billion selling us MS-DOS?
Bird lives.
Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
Borg Mail Reader v2.1a Fortune theft is futile.
Borg Mail Reader v2.1a Fortunes are irrelevent.
Borger King: We do it our way. Yours is irrelevant.
Borger King: Have it our way. Your way is irrelevant.
Boss spelled backwards is "double-SOB"
Bow down to Rick Wakeman!
Brain Disengaged; Call Back Tomorrow.
BRAIN.COM file closed. (A)rgue (R)etry (F)orget It
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding.
Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore...
Breath Deep, The Gathering Gloom...
Bring home the bacon?  HECK!  I Brought the PIG!
BUFFERS=7 FILES=5, 2nd Down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
But I thought YOU did the backups...
But of course, it *is* only my opinion.
But soft, what bird through yonder window breaks?
But Windows bashing is my job...
C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files ^^^oo^^^
C:\DAMSEL.EXE crosslinked w/DISTRESS.COM--RESCUE?(y/n)
C:\DOS   C:\DOS\RUN    RUN\DOS\RUN
C:\DOS  C:\DOS\RUN  C:\DOS\CRASH
C:\DOS  C:\DOS\RUN  C:\DOS\RUN\WINDOWS  C:\DOS\RUN\SLOW
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\DOS\RUN\AMUCK
Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\>
Canadian DOS: "Yer sure, eh?" [y/n]
Captain ... one .. harmless ... little ... Tribble?
Captain please, not in front of the Klingons.
Captain!  The UARTs kenna' take these speeds!
Captain! Someone has snorted all the dilithium crystals.
Captain, I need to kill someone.  Worf
Captain, we have engaged dataschlurp mode!
Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero!   Horace (8 BC)
Caution: This stuff is addictive...
Click..Click..Click..Damn!  Out of fortunes!
COFFEE.COM not found: (A)bort, (R)eheat, (S)nooze
Cogito ergo cogito !
Coming Soon!!  Mouse Support for Edlin!!!!
Coming Soon. Mouse Support for Turbo Edlin!
Coming Soon... Turbo Edlin!
Coming soon: Netware for Nintendo
Computer, microwave decks 5-10 until piping hot.  BEEP!
Computers ARE the future. Oh the future looks grim!
Confuse people: start making sense.
Conservatism is the worship of dead revolutions.
Contains less than 2% U.S. RDA for this echo
Control-Alt-Delete thyself
Copy from another: plagiarism. Copy from many: research.
Could be an ever-opening flower.
Crime does not pay... as well as politics.
Crime wouldn't pay if the Government ran it!
Critical error: (S)hout, (S)mash, (B)uy a mac.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. I got 'im with the mower!
CURSOR: What you become when your system crashes.
Cut life support to all quarters with children * Picard
Daddy, what does "FORMATTING DRIVE C:....." mean ?
DATA COMPRESSION: What You Get When You Squish An Android
Data enjoys a smoke after interfacing with the Computer.
Death: The unfortunate side effect of attacking a cop.
Decay, inherent in all component things. Buddha-last wrds
DESQview: Better windows
DESQview: Faster than a Cray (running Windows)
DEVICEHIGH:  Your device driver on drugs.
Diarrhea is hereditary.    It runs in your jeans.
Did Qmodem originate in the Q continuum?
Difference between a virus & windows? Viruses never fail.
Direct from the Ministry of Silly Walks.
Do I smoke after sex?  I don't know, I never looked.
Do it now! There might be a law against it tomorrow.
Do not expose this message to direct sunlight.
Do televangelists do more than lay people?
Do you feel Lucky, punk???
Do you know JESUS? If so, tell him he owes me $2.
Does bouncing count?
Does the Enterprise computer have enough RAM to run Windows?
Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.
Don't be a schmuck... BE A SCHMUCK!
Don't hate yourself in the morning --- sleep until noon!
Don't let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you.
Don't Panic!!!
Don't play "stupid" with me - I'm better at it.
DON'T STEAL - The government hates competition.
Don't surround yourself with yourself.
Don't Think!!!!! SCHEME !!!!!
Don't torture yourself...that's my job.
DOS is todays CP/M - Windows is tomorrows CP/M!
DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse.
DOS never says "Excellent command or filename..."
DOS:  Tells a computer what to do with itself!
DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something...
Double your drive space! Delete Windows!
Drive A: not responding.. .Formating C: instead
Dust-balls - The cheap man's tribble.
Eat quatro-triticale: 3.56 quadrillion tribbles can't be wrong!
Editing is a rewording activity.
Electric chairs are period furniture: they end a sentence
Elegant Frankfurter - A haute dog
Elvis is alive and doing my laundry.
Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself.
English is wonderful, when used correctly.
Ensign Expendable, step on that rock! - Kirk
Ensign Singer... Make it sew.
Ensign, engage datasuck mode!
Entropy ain't what it used to be.
Error #1511: Brain Offline
Error 005: Windows loading. Come back tomorrow.
Error 96:  Dead mouse in hard drive.
Error : (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell it
Error finding REALITY.SYS  -  Universe halted.
Error in REALITY.SYS.  Run BIGBANG.EXE (Y/N)
Error reading FAT table.  Try SKINNY one?  (Y/N)
ERROR:  CPU not found
ERROR: REALITY.SYS Corrupted -- Universe unrecoverable
Even the dullest candle burns brighter in the dark.
Ever have one of those millennia?
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Eyeing little girls with bad intent, heh.
Fatal mouse error. (B)ury or (R)eplace?
File not found, but if you'll hum a few bars...
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
File Not Found. Loading something that looks similar.
File Not Found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ake It?
Files not found:  Delete user instead? (Y/y)?
First Shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin!
Friends don't let friends use Windoze.
Friends don't let friends use XMODEM!
Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, home of Watsa Matta U.
Gee Whiz, I didn't know DOS was *that* stupid!
Gee, I wonder what this key does.
General Failure reading drive A:  Please remove your fist.
Give it to Riker- he'll eat anything!
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever...
Go ahead, back up to the RAM disk.  I dare you!
GOLFER--Yells "Fore!", Takes Five, Writes Down Three.
Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
Graduate of the Darth Vader School of Personnel Management.
Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts!
HA! I kill me!
Happiness is a warm modem.
Hat?  What hat?  That's a helipad for munchkins. - Guinan
Have time to waste?  Get Microsoft Windows 3.1!
Have you crashed your Windows today?
HD failure: (A)bort (R)etry (N)egotiate (C)ry
He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly.
He is almost a statesman.  He lies well.
He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
He who throws mud loses ground.
He's ALIVE, Jim. Where did I go wrong?
He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his watch!
He's dead, Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me.
He's DEAD, Jim. Tell the Klingons that dinner is served.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Hello.. Incontinence Hotline.. Can you hold?
Help! My computer is holding me prisoner...
Help--I'm being held captive by my modem!
Hey Rocky, watch me pull a tribble out of my hat!
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's Hand Grenades I throw!
High thoughts must have high language.       Aristophanes
Hold on- wait, maybe the answer's looking for you.
How do I set my phaser to tickle?
How do you make Windows faster? Throw it harder.
I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.        Terrence
I am become Death, the Destroyer of worlds ... Oppenheimer
I am immortal, at least 'til I die.
I am looking for an honest man.         Diogenes (325 BC)
I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated.
I call a fig a fig, a spade a spade.  Menander (292 BC)
I can't tell if I'm a kingpin or a pauper!
I can't use Windows.  My cat ate my mouse.
I could be chasing an untamed ornithoid without cause.
I don't eat anything with a face!
I don't have any fortunes to give you.  Go away.
I don't just tempt fate - I give it the finger.
I don't kill my enemies: I slime them!  Odo
I don't steal jokes, I replicate them.
I don't want to be a cynic, but it's hard...
I drank what?!?  Socrates
I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.  Virgil (19 BC)
I Feel Better Now.
I got lost in thought. It was an unfamiliar territory.
I had a life once... but now I have a modem.
I HATE it when it does that!
I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.
I have found power in the mysteries of thought. Euripides
I have to stop now.  My fingers are getting hoarse.
I is knot dain bramaged!!!
I know, and I know you know I know.
I know on which side my bread is buttered.   John Heywood
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
I need Windows like a haemophiliac needs heart surgery!
I played poker w/ tarot cards-got a flush & 5 people died
I saw Elvis.  He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
I shave with Occam's Razor.
I smell a rat.  Did you bake it or fry it?
I survived torture.  I'm ready to date Lwaxana. - Picard
He's a couple bushels shy of a full crop
He's a couple keys short of a concert piano.
He's a couple of cans short of a six-pack.
He's a couple of ticks past the noon whistle.
He's a couple sharps short of B Major.
He's a few bars short of a finished symphony.
He's a few bricks short of a whole wall.
He's a few bytes short of a checksum.
He's a few channels short of Basic Cable
He's a few croutons short of a garden salad.
He's a few pipes short of a church organ.
He's a few strings short of a violin section.
He's one taco short of a combination platter
He's playing his oboe with just one reed.
He's playing solitaire with a pinochle deck.
He's playing the lead violin part on a viola.
He's playing the old five-string guitar.
I think I think, therefore I think I am.  I think.
I think, therefore I am... dangerous, that is...
I think, therefore I'm overqualified !!!
I use Windows... on my car, on my house, on my...
I was sane once... didn't like it.
I was the next door kid's imaginary friend.
I went mad once. Did me a world of good.
I wish I was a Klingon.  I want a lumpy head.
I wish life had a scroll-back buffer.
I won't use Windows, I won't use Windows, I won't...
I would like to buy a fish license, please.
I'll panic if I bloody well want to!
I'm an analog man in a digital world.
I'm a brain in a vat. Are you one too?
I'm a consultant because I'd rather be self-unemployed.
I'm a figment of your imagination.
I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK!
I'm a workaholic who resisted a rest.
I'm as confused as a baby at a topless bar!
I'm Bugs Bunny of Borg.  What's up Collective?
I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing.
I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact.
I'm firm. You're obstinate. He's a pigheaded fool.
I'm flexible... just don't change anything.
I'm gonna plead insanity, what about you?
I'm in search of myself.  Have you seen me anywhere?
I'm just a peripheral visionary.
I'm just here for moral support. Ignore the gun.
I'm lost, but I'm still making pretty good time!
I'm mad at you because you were someone else.
I'm mooning you now, you just can't see me.
I'm more humble than you are!
I'm much too young to feel this damned old
I'm neither for, nor against apathy
I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
I'm not a crook; I'm "ethically challenged."
I'm not a minority. I'm an outnumbered majority!
I'm not a witch doctor-- I'm only a folk medic.
I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV.
I'm not arrogant, I'm RIGHT!
I'm not confused, I'm just well-mixed.
I'm not dead yet! I think I'll go for a walk.
I'm not dead, I'm metabolically challenged.
I'm not lost... I'm "locationally challenged".
I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am.
I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right!
I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you that?
I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T.
I'm only here for the salad bar.
I'm only paranoid because everyone's against me.
I'm out of bed and dressed.  What more do you want?
I'm practicing assertiveness.  Do you think that's okay?
I'm really sorry about always saying I'm really sorry.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention
I'm solidly behind whichever side eventually wins.
I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry.
I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes.
I'm the leader, which way did they go?
I'm usually awake near the end of the day.
I'm warning you! One step closer and I'll drop carrier!
I'm working on my 2nd $million...  Gave up on the 1st.
I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
I've got a Mickey Mouse PC with a Goofy operating system.
IBM: When you care enough to spend the very most.
If "R" is Reverse, how come "D" is FORWARD?
If a program is useful, it must be changed.
If a tree fell on a florist, would he make a sound?
If all else fails, read the directions!
If all goes well, you've overlooked something!
If all is not lost, then where is it?
If all the world's a stage, I sure got lousy seats.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
If at first you don't succeed, call it Ver 1.0.
If at first you don't succeed, change the rules!
If at first you don't succeed, cry.
If at first you don't succeed, fake it!!
If at first you don't succeed, forget it.
If at first you don't succeed, join the club.
If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards.
If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft.
If at first you don't succeed, you're about normal.
If Corn Oil Is Made From Corn, What's Baby Oil Made From?
If flies couldn't fly, would they be called walks?
If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
If I save the whales, where do I keep them?
If I save time, when do I get it back ?
If I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you!
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
If it ain't broke, hit it harder.
If it ain't broke, wait a day or two!!
If it ain't one thing, it's two or three...
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing.
If it was easy, it wouldn't be any fun.
If it works, I didn't do it.
If it works, rip it apart and find out why!
If it works, something went wrong.
If it's obvious, it's obviously wrong.
If it's tourist season, where do I get a license?
If it's working OK, then something's GOTTA be wrong!
If life is but a dream please wake me up.
If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If only Einstein had a 486DX-33....
If plugging it in doesn't help, turn it on.
If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns.
If rich, eat when you please. If poor, eat when you can.
If speed scares you, buy Windows 3.1!
If the shoe fits, its ugly.
If we left the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy!
If Windows sucked it would be good for something.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If you can't be famous, try infamous.
If you can't elucidate, obfuscate.
If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll laugh at you.
If you don't think women are explosive, drop one!!
If you hear an Onion ring, please answer it!
If you really want to know, you won't ask me.
If you redo a batch file, is it a son of a batch?
If you save the world too often, it begins to expect it.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
If you throw a cat out the car window, is it kitty litter?
If you wake up Sleepy & Grumpy, you must be Snow White.
If you're trying to drive me crazy, you're too late!
If you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen 'em all.
Ignorance is Temporary ... STUPID is Forever!
Illiterate?  Write for FREE HELP!
In adversity remember to keep an even mind. Horace (8 BC)
Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF
Iraqi rifle for sale. Never fired. Dropped once.
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Is sex in a cornfield "Porn on the cob"?
Is there life before coffee?
It doesn't work, but I'm working on it.
It is better to copulate than never.
It is far safer to be feared than loved.      Machiavelli
It makes a difference whose ox is gored.    Martin Luther
It takes a wise man to recognize a wise man.   Xenophanes
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
It's getting better all the time.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
It's time for them to go.
It's too bad ignorance isn't painful.
It's GOOD to be the King!
Jesus saves... but Lindros scores on the rebound!
Just when I make ends meet, someone moves one end.
Keyboard error or no keyboard, F1 to continue
Keyboard locked... Press F1 to continue
Keyboard not found, think "F1" to continue.
Keyboard: Used for entering errors into a system.
Kill the wabbit!!!  Kill the wabbit!!!
Know a good chiropractor? My computer has a slipped disk.
Ladies & Gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.
Lady Macbeth to her dog: "Out, damned Spot!"
Law is order, and good law is good order.       Aristotle
Leave no stone unturned.               Euripides (431 BC)
Let each man exercise the art he knows.      Aristophanes
Liars when they speak the truth are not believed. Aristotle
Life is one long struggle in the dark.  Lucretius (55 BC)
Life without learning is death.  Cicero
Life would be easier if I had the source code.
Life's a joke, and we're the punchline.
Life... don't talk to me about life.
Light speed! Ridiculous speed! Ludicrous speed!
Lonely, Worf seeks a Dog/Turtle hybrid for companionship.
Love comes for you, and you follow.
Love is grand. Divorce is fifty grand.
Mac screen message: "Like, dude, something went wrong."
Macintosh: Computer with training wheels you can't remove
MAFIA DOS..Ey'What's A Matta You? Wanna Try Again (Y/n)?
Man is by nature a political animal.            Aristotle
Many hands make light work.      John Heywood (1497-1580)
Master of images, songs shine a light on you.
May the Farce be with you!
Meaning of life: 
Member, the Society for Creative Anachronism.
MEMORY ERROR: Now what?
Men willingly believe what they wish.       Julius Caesar
Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.
Millihelen: Amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
Minds, like parachutes, work only when open.
Misfortune shows those who are not friends.     Aristotle
Mister Worf, show these children the airlock.  Picard
Mbius strippers have no rear end.
Mobius strippers never show you their back side.
Modems are proof that people enjoy torturing themsevles
Monday is the root of all evil!
Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there.
Move your vowels every day or you'll get consonated.
Mr. Spock wears vulcanized rubbers.
MS-DOS..MR DOS's sister -- DR DOS..MS DOS's Gynecologist
Multitask- Make twice the mistakes in  the time.
My appetite comes to me while eating. Michel de Montaigne
My AUTOEXEC.BAT is a vampire.
My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier.
My favorite mythical creature?  The honest politician.
My God! It's full of stars!
My God! They've gone to Plaid!
My mama done tol' me...
My modem isn't slow- it's "baudily challenged!"
My mother was the tour guide for Guilt Trips...
My other computer is even slower.
My other computer is a Porsche.
My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird...
My train of thought is a Mag-Lev.
Nature does nothing uselessly.                  Aristotle
Never dare to judge until you've heard all.     Euripides
Never judge a book by its movie.
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
Never take a beer to a job interview.
New book: 101 Ways to Brown-Nose to Success.
Night-owls are _real_ people.
Nine times out of ten the statisticians are wrong.
Nixon's Principal: If 2 wrongs don't make a right, try 3.
No bathroom? Just boldly go where no man has gone before!
No falsehood lingers into old age.     Sophocles (406 BC)
No human thing is of serious importance.           Plato
No man loves life like him that's growing old.  Sophocles
No!  No!  Nurse!!!  I said "prick his boil"!
Nobody knows the Tribbles I've seen...
Nostalgia just ain't what it used to be ...
Not every soil can bear all things.        Virgil (19 BC)
Nothing can be created from nothing.    Lucretius (55 BC)
Nothing endures but change.           Heraclitus (480 BC)
Nothing is so simple that it can't get screwed up.
O.K to continue??    
Of all animals, the boy is most unmanageable.      Plato
Oh sure!  But what's the speed of dark?
"Oh, very good Worf.  Eat any good books lately?" Q
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it. Homer
Once more unto the breach, dear friends. Henry V
One swallow does not make a summer.             Aristotle
Only one good: Knowledge. One evil: Ignorance.   Socrates
Open doors we find our way; we look, we see, we smile.
Open Mouth, Insert Foot, Chew Carefully
Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally.
OPERATOR ERROR.. (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)hoot...
Originality is the art of concealing your source...
Ouch! And I mean it.
Pack up your Tribbles in your old kit bag.
Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks.
Piety requires us to honor truth above friends. Aristotle
Pizza: Nature's perfect food.
Please return stewardess to original upright position.
Pleasure is the start and end of living happily. Epicurus
Politically Incorrect -- and damn proud of it!
Politics: Poly (many) + Ticks (blood-sucking parasites)
Polluting New Jersey... like who's gonna notice?
Power corrupts, but we still need electricity.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.
Press all the keys at once to continue...
Press any key - EXCEPT THAT ONE!!!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit
Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd.
Psychoceramics:  The study of crackpots.
Rainy days and automatic weapons get me down.
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
Reality is blinking again...call for repairs.
Reality is for people with no grasp of fantasy.
Relativism stinks- you can't call anyone a moron!
Religious error: (A)tone, (R)epent, (I)mmolate?
Rid yourself of doubt, or should you?
Riker to Enterprise.  Beam down Troi and a six-pack.
ROM wasn't built in a day.
Rome was not built in one day.   John Heywood (1497-1580)
Ruling a country is like cooking a small fish.    Lao-tzu
Russia has the Moscow Circus; WE have CONGRESS!
Sado-necro-beastiality is beating a dead horse.
SANITY.SYS corrupt. MIND lost.
Save the wales! Nuke Greenpeace instead!
Scott me up Beamie!
Scotty: What is it?  Data: It is... it is green.
Second star to the right & straight on till morning...
Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!  Horace (8 BC)
Self-deceit is easy; what one wishes one believes is true
SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory...
Sex on TV can't hurt you...unless you fall off.
Sexy: Uses feather.  Kinky: Uses entire chicken.
Shell to DOS....Come in, DOS.....Do you Copy?
Shh! I have to use my incomplete, divided attention here!
Silly question!
Sincerity is the Way.             (Mencius, 372-289 B.C.)
SLEEP: that fleeting moment just before the alarm.
Snorting wildly, Worf actually smells his own feet.
Spam for me, with a side of crunchy frog.
Spock/Data 1996: The Logical Choice
STAND BACK! I don't know how big this gets!
STATUS QUO is Latin for "the mess we're in."
STAY ALERT! TRUST NO ONE! KEEP YOUR LASER HANDY!
Stay back!  I have a modem and I know how to use it!!!!
Stop smirking Number One.
Stranger in a strange country.         Sophocles (406 BC)
STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP!  Park elsewhere!
Success lies in achieving the top of the foodchain.
Support Mental Health. Or I'll kill you.
Support your local medical examiner: die strangely.
Syntax? Why not, they tax everything else
The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. Sophocles
Talk is cheap.  Using a modem gets expensive.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.  Euripides
Ted Kennedy's Bumper Sticker: My other car is underwater.
Temporary suspension of disbelief is a wonderful thing.
Tennis is irrelevant. - Bjorn Borg
That Rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide!
The basis of a democratic state is liberty.     Aristotle
The best way to accelerate Windows is at escape velocity.
The company of just and righteous men is best.  Euripides
The Computer is impressed with Data's hardware.
The cost of feathers has risen.  Now even down is up.
The die is cast.       (proverb quoted by Julius Caesar).
The END (and more than you wanted to know)
The end is near... but wait for the sequel!
The freedom of poetic license.             Cicero (43 BC)
The good have no need of an advocate.    Phocion (317 BC)
The great man is he who does not lose his child's-heart.
The guy sure looks like plant food to me!
The Ides of March have come.                Julius Caesar
The Law is your friend..but watch out for the Lawyers.
The magic of Windoze: Turning your 486 into an XT.
The majority isn't silent- the government is deaf!
The moon is made of a green cheese. J.Heywood (1497-1580)
The more I know about WINDOWS, the more I like DesqView!
The no-mind not-thinks no-thoughts about no-things.
The only good Mac is a big Mac!
The Sun is at the center of the Universe.      Copernicus
The thoughtless are rarely wordless.
The UARTs can't take much more o' this Captain!
The unexamined life is not worth living.         Socrates
The World: A comedy for thinkers; a tragedy for feelers.
There are no teachers -- only students.
There are two sides to every question. Protagoras(410 BC)
There is no benefit in the gifts of a bad man.  Euripides
There is no fool like an old fool.  J.Heywood (1497-1580)
There is no happiness where there is no wisdom. Sophocles
There's nothing more demoralizing than money.   Sophocles
They aren't evil...just stupid.
This hitteth the nail on the head. J. Heywood (1597-1580)
This is Elvis. Any messages for me?
This product was cruelly tested on small, furry animals.
This Fortune no verb.
Those whom God wishes to destroy, are first made mad.
Time cancels young pain.               Euripides (431 BC)
Time eases all things.                 Sophocles (406 BC)
To be human without passion is to be dead.
To boldly go where no one has gone before.
To him who is in fear, everything rustles.      Sophocles
To teach is to learn  Japanese Proverb
Too little sex makes you repeat yourself redundantly.
Took an hour to bury the cat. Damn thing kept moving.
Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore...
Trespassers will be shot; Survivors will be shot again!
Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got were footnotes!
True Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
Truth, like surgery, may hurt. But it cures.- Han Suyin
Two heads are better than one.   John Heywood (1497-1580)
Two may keep counsel, if two be away. Heywood (1497-1580)
Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
Unable to load REALITY.SYS; Invalid parameter: /UTOPIA
Under every stone lurks a politician.        Aristophanes
Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight.
Using PKZIP Version 2.04zzzzzzzzzzz
Virus scanner:       "Windows" found.  Remove? (Y)
Vote Republican, it's easier than thinking.
Vultures only fly with carrion luggage.
Waiter: Unemployed actor
WARNING: Do not attempt this at home.
Was Jimi Hendrix's modem a Purple Hayes?
Washing Windows is better than running them.
Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. Euripides (431 BC)
Watch it - you're trying my infinite patience.
We are all driven into the same fold.       Horace (8 BC)
We are but dust and shadow.                 Horace (8 BC)
We are on a roll! Cavorting on the Butter!
We have engaged the Borg.  The wedding will be Friday.
We live, not as we wish to, but as we can. Menander 292bc
We look for things. Things that make us go.
We need more unemployed politicians.
We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing.
We're off to see the wizard....
What are you gonna do? Bleed on me?
What CAN you get a nudist for Christmas?
What do you mean you "formatted" the cat?!?
What fools these mortals be.
What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?
What is food to one, is to others bitter poison. Lucretius
What is the avg. air speed of an un-laden swallow?
What soon grows old?  Gratitude.                Aristotle
What you do not want done to you, do not do to others.
What's all this talk about hellfire & Dalmations?
What's another word for "thesaurus?"
When asked "What is a friend," Zeno answered "Another I."
When in doubt, mumble!
When puns are outlawed only outlaws will have puns.
When truth entails tremendous ruin, lies are pardoned.
When you know, you know; when you don't know, admit it.
When your computer has a virus, DON'T use chicken soup!
Where are we going?  And why are we in this handbasket?
While there's life, there's hope.          Cicero (43 BC)
Whom the gods destroy, they first teach Windows...
Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English?
Why are elves chaotic? Brownian motion.
Why are there no blue M&M's?
Why are there so many actors in this movie?
Why bother phoning a psychic?  Let them phone you!
Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why do they call them briefings when they take SO LONG?
Why do those that pay the least complain the most?
Why don't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it called "rush hour" if it's so damn slow?
Why yes, they are Bugle Boy beans.
Windows doesn't kill you, it's the glass when it crashes.
Windows Ice Cream: Hoggin DOS
WINDOWS MULTITASKS! (in a DesqView window)
Windows to 486/50 mhz cpu: Don't rush me, don't rush me...
Windows:  an 80486 to XT Conversion Kit.
Windows: A cute clown suit for DOS.
Windows: big, expensive, pretty virus.
Windows: The best $89 solitare game you can buy.
Wisdom outweighs any wealth.           Sophocles (406 BC)
Women: You can't live with them, pass the beer nuts- Norm
Wonderful music. My compliments to the clef.
Word is a shadow of deed.             Democritus (400 BC)
Worf: "Shields failing!" Picard: "Give 'em more homework"
Work out your salvation w/diligence.  Buddha - last words
Yoooouuuuu'rreee Irrelevant! Daffy Duck of Borg
You *must* be kidding!
You can lead a man to ponder; you cannot make him think!
You Cannot Escape!  Resistance Is Futile!
You cannot see the wood for the trees.       John Heywood
You cannot teach a crab to walk straight.    Aristophanes
You gotta know when to code 'em, know when to modem.
You know how to win a victory, but not how to use it.
You pathetic, puny, puking, putrid puddle of poodle piss!
You were a stranger to sorrow; thus fate has cursed you.
You wouldn't happen to have anything less... ducky?
Your descendants shall gather your fruits.         Virgil
Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage
Yours is no disgrace.

Copyright © 2004 David K. Goodman. All Rights Reserved.
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